Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
