i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
