Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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