Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think i got beer on your cat.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
