i think i have two assholes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
