She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
