you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
