11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
