the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
