Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
