ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
