whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
