I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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