I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
