Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Couch. On fire.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
