these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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