alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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