Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
