This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
