Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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