dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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