Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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