Just took my morning after pill in the library
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
