just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
