so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
