apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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