Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
