her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
