I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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