I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
