Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
