she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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