I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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