Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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