how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
