So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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