I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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