In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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