Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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