walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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