In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
