If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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