she was so not down for the gang bang
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
