I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
