mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
