dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
