Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
