Who did Billy Mays play for?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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