I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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