erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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